The Important Stuff

Getting a hearing aid just might be included on the list of "important stuff" to do.

from Hearing Loss Magazine. Written by Penny Allen who lives in Port Orchard, Washington and is president of the Hearing Loss Association of Washington and editor of "Sound Waves," the state association newsletter. She wears a hearing aid and has a cochlear implant.

Desperate people frequently ask my why their parents of spouses won't "do something" about their hearing loss. You'd think I would know. 

What I do know is that people with untreated hearing loss are usually oblivious to what a burden they become to their families. And most families living with someone with untreated hearing loss don't grasp its seriousness. It's either "his problem" or "her problem," but rarely is it "our problem." Yet this apathy takes its toll. Communication barriers trigger psychological stress, confusion, anger, frustration, resentment, helplessness, etc. But it happens to the entire family! 

The longer someone puts off getting a hearing evaluation, the less likely getting hearing aids is going to happen. There are lists of reasons why people don't get hearing aids - fear, vanity, expense, misinformation - any of which might seem justified. But just as the person with a hearing loss adapts, so does the family. They become grudging enablers, taking charge and eventually easing him or her out of the picture for lack of involvement. Its' called marginalization, and it's inevitable. It's much like a family comping with an alcoholic family member who refuses treatment - life goes on. 

I grew up in such a family, and it was my father who refused help. We yelled a lot - at leas, we yelled at him. And hue usually yelled back because he was irritated we yelled at him. Watching TV was not about togetherness. The volume was so loud the rest of us scattered. Conversations were generally one-sided - if father's. If we got the chance to say something, we often had to repeat it even louder. Eventually we tired of the effort. But, ironically, we never discussed the elephant in the room, He was the father, after all. 

After my own hearing loss was diagnosed at the age of 40, I had an "AHA!" moment. I was sure I could convince my father of the merits of hearing aids. I couldn't. Over the years, he just sort of slipped away from me bit by bit. We had necessary talk but no small talk - the stuff that keeps you connected. He was preoccupied with solitary hobbies and had little contact with his children and grandchildren. I suspect we were all a bit lonely for the father and grandfather we should have had. 

Hearing loss requires attention - whether you are the person with the hearing loss of the family member who resides with it. Do something about it, and don't dally. Otherwise, you'll miss the important stuff. But the saddest part is you won't be the only one.